My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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