Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
