the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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