Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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