I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
