Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
