So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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