all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
