I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
