Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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