I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
