you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
