marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You're my little dorito
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
birth control should be required to get into college
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
