You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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