Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
