We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
