I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
