I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
