I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
