'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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