If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
