Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
