first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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