Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
