As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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