I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
