the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
