The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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