You can't motorboat a personality
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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