omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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