He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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