She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
