I accidentally had phone sex last night
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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