Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
