Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
