I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
