Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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