for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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