Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
