i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
