so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
