So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
