Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
