I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
