Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
