One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
