Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
