Cold hands, warm shart.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
