Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Even my vagina gasped.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
