I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
