Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
