absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Porn is love you can see.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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