i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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