she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
