my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
