she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We're not piercing ourselves today.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
